Back AGAIN.

I thought I healed.

But this week, I felt a similar pain in my lower back that I had felt 3 years ago.

When I was at the height of my ‘health journey,’ I was working out 5-6 days a week with weight lifting & HIIT. I felt like I knew what I was doing. This was the most fit I’d been in years & how could I progress if I didn’t push myself past my limit? I did one of the few things I regret the most to this day: lifting EXTRA heavy while deadlifting. That moment is engrained in my brain forever because I felt an immense amount of pain & for some reason, I couldn’t differentiate whether I should stop or push through it. But I made a choice. Rather than stopping, I remember I tried pushing through — because the weight I was lifting (poorly, might I add) took precedent. There’s no other word I could describe it than my utter greed to keep progressing. The irony of it all is that it was the very moment that halted all my fitness progress. I ended up being bed ridden for 6 months working on rehabilitating.

With the help of PT & acupuncture, I got back to being able to live my regular day to day. My lower back wasn’t necessarily 100% but I was relieved. I picked up working out slowly with the PT but it wasn’t ever again with the same fervor, and the time I had away from logging my meals had me reflecting on how disorderly I may have had become. Rather than being satisfied & proud of what I was doing, I was leaning towards what more I could do & how far I had to go. I wish I had emphasized taking more time reflecting before acting. Even though I was seeing a therapist regularly at that time, I think I fooled myself into thinking that my fitness journey was the one thing I was finally getting a handle on.

So this brings us to today. 3 months ago while I was working out (no weights this time!!!) I felt the strain again. I thought I healed my back! But the truth was, I never really got to get to the true bottom of it. No X-rays or MRIs were taken. I didn’t have traditional health insurance but this time around, thanks to SAG AFTRA qualifications, I could take advantage of seeing some specialists. Covering the bases, I got my yearly check up, met with a dermatologist, saw an OBGYN/obstetrician for the first time & was diagnosed with PCOS + hypothyroidism. I started seeing a chiropractor and acupuncturist that seemed to be easing the pain, but just this past week I woke up with a stabbing sensation that mimicked the level of pain I had 3 years ago. I quickly made an appointment to see an Orthopedic doctor & learned that he thinks it’s a problem with my SI joint (sacroiliac) rather than my lower spine. He referred me to a PT & I’ll be starting that next week as the new year begins. He also prescribed me some medication which has been helping ease the inflammation like crazy.

Even through all this pain, I can’t help but be grateful for the fact that I have resources at this moment. I don’t know how long I’ll have this insurance, but I do know that I can get help at this time so I’m seizing the moment.

I wish I was able to get a grip of what happened to me 3 years ago but we should never beat ourselves up for doing the best we could with our then circumstance. What we don’t take care of just might come back around asking for our attention & wreak havoc to our current plans.